Feel like a piece of shit during your divorce? You're not alone.

Let’s not sugarcoat it.

There are moments—especially after something as devastating as a divorce or deep personal loss—when the voice in your head isn’t just critical… it’s brutal.

It says things like:

You fucked everything up.

You’re not lovable.

You deserve to feel like shit.

And the worst part? A part of you believes it.

Self-loathing doesn’t always show up as loud self-hatred. Sometimes it’s quieter—a constant hum of guilt, shame, and not-enoughness that clouds every choice, every moment of peace, every attempt at healing. It makes you doubt your worth, question your progress, and feel like love (especially self-love) is something reserved for better people.

But here’s what I’ve learned, not from a book or a meme, but from my own blood, sweat, and tears:

That voice isn’t your truth.

It’s your trauma.

It’s your conditioning.

It’s your scared inner boy trying to make sense of pain with the only tools he had at the time.

Recognizing Negative Self-Talk: Identifying the Problem

So how do you move forward when you’re buried in that kind of emotional rubble?

You don’t start with affirmations in the mirror.

You don’t pretend you’re fine.

You don’t force love when all you feel is disgust.

You start by noticing the voice.

And then, listening—not to obey, but to understand.

That part of you that says, “I’m a piece of shit?"... It’s actually trying to protect you.

If you hate yourself first, no one else can hurt you.

If you assume the worst, you won’t be surprised.

If you punish yourself, maybe you’ll stop making mistakes.

It’s twisted.
But it makes sense.
And it’s human.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Worth during Divorce

The turning point comes when you stop believing that voice is all of you. When you start to see it as a wounded fragment—one part in a bigger story. And then you start doing the work of learning to love the rest of you.

For me, that came through what I call emotional reps.

Just like going to the gym, healing takes practice. You don’t go once, cry it out, and come home healed. You show up again and again. 
You sit with your sadness.
You rage without shame.
You cry like your life depends on it—because sometimes it does.

Each time you choose presence over numbing, reflection over reaction, compassion over self-punishment—you’re building a new relationship with yourself.

You’re showing your system: I can be with myself, even in pain.

That’s love.

Not the fluffy kind.

The real, gritty, earned kind.

The kind that says, “I see you in your mess, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Over time, that changes everything.

You stop needing others to fill you.

You stop chasing worth in performance, validation, or rebound relationships.

You start choosing partners, work, and practices that align with your real self—not the self you thought you had to be to survive.

And on the days when that old voice still pipes up—and it will—you meet it with something new:

I hear you. You’re scared. But I’m not abandoning myself this time.

That’s the shift.

That’s when you go from feeling like shit to being a man worth loving—especially by yourself.

Where do you go from here?

If you’re here right now, feeling worthless, please know this:

You’re not broken.

You’re not too far gone.

You’re in the middle of your return.

Talk to someone.
Journal it out.
Cry in the car.
Scream into a pillow.
Sit still and listen.

And when you’re ready, say this—not because you believe it yet, but because you’re willing to believe it:

I am lovable, even here.

Let that be the first rep. I’ll spot you.